We won't sleep together?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
