his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
