guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
