it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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