when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
