yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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