He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am naked and annoyed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
