Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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