how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
