where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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