God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
