Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize