I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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