One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
