I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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