oh god the rape fog is back!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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