we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
