OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
