Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
