he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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