I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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