he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
