You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
