2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
