Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
