My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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