Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
