I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
