Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
