Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize