Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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