I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
