GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
