I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
