Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
