So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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