And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
