i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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