How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
