how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
