she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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