the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
