You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
