How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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