I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
