dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize