Pants 0. Shit 1.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your penis caused this!
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