I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
