I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
