Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
