You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
