I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
