I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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