Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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