...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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