Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
