he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
