I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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