youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
