he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize