So drunk its hurt
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
