How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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