You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize