After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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