and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
