the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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