I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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