I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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