How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
