If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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