remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
