Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize