At least make sure they are 18
Why
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two words: blizzard sex
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
