i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
